Vintage Onion

I looked for this story a long time ago and couldn’t find it, but a Fark thread linking to Very Special Forces spurred me on to resuming the search, with positive results!

Department Of Homeland Security Deputizes Real Mean Dog

WASHINGTON, DC—Unveiling its newest weapon in the fight against terrorism Monday, the Department of Homeland Security announced the deputization of Rufus, a big ol’ mongrel ornery enough to make Al Qaeda think twice about carrying out an attack against the U.S.

“Rufus here has one wild hair up his ass ’bout most everything,” said Homeland Security Director Tom Ridge, as he introduced the dog, a Rottweiler-pitbull-Doberman mix, to the White House press corps. “But I got a feelin’ Rufus has a ‘specially wild hair to fetch him up some of them Ay-rab terrorist types.”…

Rufus is widely regarded as the meanest dog employed by the State Department since Bocephalus, a hard-on of a coon hound who was, by all accounts, crazier than possum fuck. Bocephalus made worldwide headlines in October 1979 when he attempted to tree the Ayatollah.

Read the whole thing. Yulavious.

~ by kinshay on 2008-05-01.