My fake front tooth broke three weeks ago, and I shan’t get into the amount of hullaballoo I went through to get it fixed within 12 hours and why.  It was serious enough that I considered throwing some Krazy glue on it and sticking it back in my mouth.

When I went to the dentist, I told the hygienist my krazy plan, laughing at my own silliness, and she told me that they basically use krazy glue themselves to fix those mofos, but it has some hospital-type name.  They made me a new tooth which was done in two days, but it fit like crap.  It is too thick, the tooth doesn’t match mine, and it makes my teeth hurt.  I said screw it, and put the old ‘temporary’ patched-up one back in.  You see, that was fine, because I had a consult for a week ago to get a permanent bridge.  Oops! The dentist I was doing the consult with had to cancel my appointment, and now my appointment isn’t until April.  The patch job broke again four days ago.

I put the new, ill-fitting, tooth in and suffered for two days, then went to the dentist and had them try to thin it up a bit, vanity be damned!  (For real, it looks like an old person tooth from the time of the Great War.)  I wore it for another day and was still miserable, taking it out and lisping whenever the pain made me sissyish.

Finally, last night I said, “fuck it”, went and bought some Krazy Glue and did the patch job myself.  I did about five dry runs (as I have no ketone around to undue a bad bond), hit it with a few drops, and pressed that stuff together.  I let it sit for a few hours, then stuck it back in my face.  It’s brilliant!  It fits perfectly, seems reasonably strong, and looks twelve times better.  Sure, my wife calls me “Krazy Glue face”, but I am comfortable and don’t need to spend another minute in the dentist’s office until they start shaving my teeth down to fit a bridge on.

I still carry the extra tooth around in my gym bag, along with the bottle o’ glue, because I work in contingencies.  My fix just needs to last another two weeks and I’m golden.  Believe this.

~ by kinshay on 2007-03-21.

No Responses Yet to “Teefus”

  1. Have you considered rolling this story out in to a beat in rhyme?

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