Why, Lord, Why?

I was accidentally forced to watch American Idol, and I shall ne’er be the same.  See, my hetero lifemate D-Nasty is currently in Iraq and needs me to burn shit off of Tivo and send it to him to occupy the 10 hours of the day he ain’t working.  He loves American Idol, it is available for burning off of Tivo, and therefore, by the laws of hetero manlove, I have to send it to him.  An unintended consequence of this scientific fuckup if that I inadvertently watched the first episode of the sixth season.  This is the first time I’ve watched it, and here are a few observations, sans links:

1. There is no reason that fuckers who can’t sing should show up and wait in line to make an ass of themselves.  Well, that is the cult of celebrity that our country has empowered.  Whatevs.

2.  Jewel is hot as fuck now.  When did that happen?  Did she have her jacked-up snaggleteeth fixed and nobody told me?

3.  Paula Abdul is on something.  I used to practice onanism to her videos, but she has a lazy eye and looks loopy at all times now.  I don’t  think it’s booze, so mayhaps pills or smack?

4.  Simon isn’t mean at’all at’all.  He just tells people the truffus.  What’s wrong with that?

5.  That Randy cat looks like a wax figurine.  What’s the deal with him?

P.S. Am I gay now because I watched 1/2 of this thing?

~ by kinshay on 2007-01-18.

No Responses Yet to “Why, Lord, Why?”

  1. Am I gay because i’m telling you that Jewel is the host of the Nashville/Nu-Cuntry equivalent? Unless she was on the first episode, which i didn’t watch. However, I did catch a portion of the second episode, which was the first episode I have ever stopped to watch more than a minute of. The cringe factor in watching the “I-can’t-sing-but-it’s-funny”-crowd is unbearable. I’m sticking with the Jewel show with the volume down.

  2. I’m gonna have to say you’re both gay cause you smoke each others’ pole.

  3. Sheesh.

  4. i know you’re gay because JdY’s nuts were blocking you from seeing that Jewel still has the snaggle-a-we-ya. the AI camera crew did a good job not focusing on it.

    i liked that she was hard as simon on the “didn’t anyone tell you that you sucked before you left the house” crowd.

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