Haircuts and Hamm-men

Constantly on the lookout for further examples of cognitive dissonance, as per Jake’s request, I went to get a haircut yesterday. Even expecting it, I got dizzy. I trudged past military radars, howitzers, concertina wire, and sandbags, out of the Afghan sun. Sweaty, dusty, and a smidge stinky, I walked into an AAFES-sponsored barber shop. Inside were four women from the former SSRs cutting hair. There were stacks of American magazines (more recent than at home, I might add) and slow jams that would be found on any ‘urban’ station at home playing in the background. It looked like any barbershop you’ve ever been in, except the walls were unpainted plywood. If the women were Korean instead of Southwest Eurasian, it could have been Schofield. Expecting a bit of a communication problem, I said, “Skin on the sides, VERY short on top, da?” The lady (Uzbek, I would guess) said “Numbah three okay? You want to keep bangs?”

‘Number three on the top and skin on the sides, keep the bangs’ is my usual order at Schofield. It freaked me out. This lady spent 45 minutes and gave me the best military haircut of my life. Better than the bruvas at Aberdeen, even.

From there I returned to work. I was doing some spreadsheet or other and a gathering of three signal folks and our S3 developed over my shoulder. I turned and looked at one of the signal folks (not knowing his rank or anything) and said “I know you.” I didn’t, but I thought I did. 5 minutes later, I realized why. This cat looked exactly like Nomah. I mean, if he were at the South Shore Plaza, he’d be signing autographs. The resemblance was that real. I got up and moved around so I could get a better look at him. He was a major and up close he still looked exactly like the former Sox stah.

I listened to him talk for a long time about something that had absolutely nothing to do with me, just so I could ask him if he was related or something. When he was done with the convo, I introduced myself and said, “New Bedford, sir?” He looked at me funny a second, then said “Fall River.” I knew from his quasi-RI accent he was from one area or t’other and guessed wrong on the 50/50 shot. Still, if he was a Massachusetts homeboy, he must know how much he looks like Nomah, right?

Wrong. He never heard that he looks like Nomah and hadn’t watched a Sox game in years, though he did follow the box scores.

~ by kinshay on 2004-09-23.

No Responses Yet to “Haircuts and Hamm-men”

  1. How very surreal!
    Next time ask that they cut the sides “to the wood” and see how that flies.

  2. How did Maj. Nomah react to the comparison, though?

    Was he flattered or annoyed to be compared to that hawk-nosed sissy boy? ;^)

  3. Nothing like getting your brick sanded in an Afghanistani barber shop.

  4. MAJ Nomah was really excited when I told him he looked like a popular sports figure. I kept making a weird shrugging gesture to the other 3 people present, like, “C’mon! Doesn’t he look like Nomah?” They had no idea who I was talking about.

    He asked me where my accent went, and I told him I got rid of it sometime in college because people don’t take you seriously when you call them ‘ritzahded’. He got the joke, nobody else did.

  5. What the hell is B.A.H.?!?!? I’m still trying to figure it out… c’mon somebody share!

  6. Don’t ask please. For the love of God please, just bury it in the Afghani sand and stop mentioning that Goddamned thing.

  7. I’m flashing back and he’s adjusting the camera, but he won’t stop! Why can’t he stop?!?

  8. Ever here about Post Traumatic Stress? We are about to watch joedayuz have a full-blown episode/meltdown while we watch.

    Someone go make popcorn, when you get back, we’ll throw some reminder phrases out there that’ll make joe pop.

    Like “roast beef” and “herpes”

  9. Oooh you’ve got to tell me now! Why does it affect joedayuz so violently while you seem immune?

  10. I guess it affects me because the rumors are true: I’m a big pussy!

  11. While joedayuz is a big pussy, any normal man would be as harshly affected. No, I would have to say that my immunity comes from having a cable modem for years, and “accidently” clicking on many german and japanese titled links.

    It makes a man hard, and kinda kills the soul, but the nightmares have stopped.

  12. Uh, pun intended or not?

  13. Pun NOT intended, and now I am laughing my ass off.

    Gold Star for Jenn. (She acts like she doesn’t like penile humor, being all smaht and such, but we know better 😉

  14. not gonna argue with that. 🙂

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