How did we miss this?

Apparently while we weren’t looking, the progressive and forward-looking Canadian people witnessed some of their own firebombing a Jewish school in Montreal, during Passover, no less!

I never would have seen the story if it weren’t for a gossip piece about Russell Crowe helping out.

Thinking about this big lovable Aussie got me thinking about the state of the world today. According to Shane’s Metaphor on Anglophones(C), all English-speaking peoples comprise a family:

Canada went off to college, studied Political Science under a Leninist professor, and has been working in a holistic health store/candle emporium for the past twenty years. Whenever someone picks on Cousin Canada, he knows that Uncle Sam will whoop the aggressor’s ass. Afterwards, Canada complains that Uncle Sam is too violent and jejune, but keeps him on speed dial in case anyone steps to him again.

England and Ireland both went to work in factories, but went to night school and tried to make sense of the world. Some bad experiences left them a bit left of center, but they are by and large a freedom-loving people. Scrappy and not averse to a good fight when called for, they are a bit too small in stature for the one-on-one match.

Australia and New Zealand work on the docks and went to the same night school as England and Ireland. After flirting with the politics of Cousins England and Ireland, they realized that freedom was a good thing. Additionally, and more importantly, these two buggers have Uncle Sam’s back whenever and wherever the shit goes down. Korea? Oh yeah. Vietnam? Get some of that. GWOT? All over the map.

Uncle Sam is the patriarch of the extended family. He’s a bit content in his old age and sometimes a bit decadent, but he keeps a shillelagh he borrowed from Ireland in the corner for dealing out righteous beatings when the need arises.

This metaphor was quickly and poorly written, but if anyone would like to further develop or change the characters, feel free to do so below.

~ by kinshay on 2004-05-03.

No Responses Yet to “How did we miss this?”

  1. What does that make Wales? Cousin Oliver?

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